Fallow

Thoughts and a new poem

This is my first post on Substack. For years, I have used Blogger, but several years ago they stopped allowing subscriptions. I’ve procrastinated migrating to another platform, but like so many others, I’ve found my way here. I do not intend to charge for additional content.

This has been a challenging year, for so many of us. For me, dealing with a recurrence of stage 4 sarcoma (diagnosed 4 1/2 years ago) has been at the center of it. But recently, fortunately, and with lots of intervention, I have arrived at being cancer-free. Now I find myself at a bit of a loss as to what to do, what to focus on. It’s a liminal time.

The word “fallow” has arisen for me, and I’ve been writing about it and working on a new poem about fallow times. This morning, I opened Suleika Jaouad’s Substack post to find her saying: But I’m trying to remind myself that there is value in lying fallow. Such wonderful synchronicity!

Here is the poem:

A Fallow Time

A Fallow Time

A fallow time,
like a fallow field,
is one of rest, 
restoration and healing.
To the ungrateful,
it feels as though
nothing is happening -
no insight,
no motivation,
no inspiration -
passivity rather than 
dynamism.

One day, my thinking
suddenly shifted
into an eyes-wide 
alternate perspective.
Judgment around inactivity 
relaxed and faded
into acceptance.
I began to sense small and
subtle movements of 
incremental regeneration.
What had appeared 
to be boring at best,
bleak at worst, 
gave way to rest, 
a good thing.

Now, an appreciation of
the changing seasons
yields deep breaths 
and attention to
the ever-changing sky.

The choice remains:
Call these times doldrums, 
or instead call them fallow.
Aren't they exactly 
what you need,
and even more,
what you asked for?
A time of healing.